#36 Dear Johnny, I Applaud Your Social Media Exit

 
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Hey did you hear about Richard Feynman?
— Nora

I write a letter with my voice to the wonderful Johnny Unicorn in response to episode #21 of the Johnny Unicorn Show. Johnny's episode is titled, "Leaving Facebook / Untweeted Tweets." Johnny Unicorn creates music under his own name, as well as under the name Zorznijor. I appeared on episodes 14, 15 and 16 of the Johnny Unicorn Show.

Because this episode is nearly entirely unedited, I have a few important corrections & clarifications. In the first couple minutes, I refer to Johnny as being the guest of the Johnny Unicorn Show. Of course, he is the host rather than the guest. Howe ever, I like to think that he is occasionally both the guest and the host since he sometimes records solo episodes.

Second, although I was speaking about myself as being a trans woman who does not menstruate, I don't mean to imply that no trans women menstruate. It's very important to me to always recognize that we — my trans siblings — are not a monolith, and I'll discuss this on an upcoming episode. People are exceptionally diverse, and there are many different ways to experience being trans and to experience being a woman. Bodies are cool! If you want to talk to me about this, please reach out!

Third, "Most" is a song from Zorznijor's album The Most.

Lastly, a small clarification just because: The "dropouts" I'm experiencing in my ears only happen one ear at a time, as in the left but not the right. It's a huge, momentary loss of frequency, as if a low pass filter was flipped on at, maybe, 4 kHz. It sucks.


The following is a rush transcript made by a computer. It's delightfully bad.

00:00:01.440 Dear Johnny I applaud your social media exit.

00:00:08.160 Welcome to prairie goth. I'm Nora. The janitor.

00:00:14.930 I'm not going to okay I'm hi. How are you? What are you doing? I'm not going to edit this episode. That's my goal here and it's going to be a wild ride. That's an I'm super hungry really hungry and you are what are you doing? You're doing the dishes driving around.

00:00:38.630 You.

00:00:39.720 Slaughtering a dear I hope not. But you know that's what you're doing. I can deal with it. So today's episode is sort of going to be. It's actually it's really what it is is a it's a letter to Johnny unicorn and I've thought about doing this before. But I listen to. So further uninformed John unicorn is a musician from Seattle. He has a pod cast called the Johnny unicorn show. He's the guest Johnny unicorn of the Johnny unicorn show. And when you listen to that show you're going to say wow. He he put out an episode the other day. Kind of coming back after like a six month hiatus wherein he. He he um.

00:01:35.050 Talks about leave there's something specific I was going to say about that and I lost it. I don't think that he talks about he talks about exiting social media and um.

00:01:47.880 You know not just totally getting rid of Facebook doing doing some tweety and. And I thought about before he he he was soliciting advice and responses. And I thought before about oh crap this is what I was going to say he yeah. So.

00:02:08.280 This is why I added things but I'm not well maybe I'll talk about without later. I probably we will talk about why I'm not going to edit this later but Jesus Christ some hungry. So Johnny musician from Seattle has the pod cast makes music as Johnny unicorn. Also as Zora's in the drawer. I'm not going to put links in the show notes because you're not going to click on but you can Google the that on Google or you can bring it on Google. And yeah so he's great and I love him. But this episode is primarily going to be a letter sort of an audio letter whatever the fuck on to Johnny. And you can listen in if you want. This'll make more sense as we go on but.

00:03:01.600 I've thought about doing this before every once in a while. Actually I think Johnny and I talked about it after I was on his show like last year was that last year. And.

00:03:15.400 I kind of had this idea of like why don't we just like.

00:03:18.870 All you know respond to something that you say on your pod cast and then you can respond to that response. And then at the end of the year we can just stitch it together and make like a fake interview. Which I I I like that idea except for the last part because that would be hard and like fuck taking time to do things. But I like the the idea of Von.

00:03:50.070 You know like here's my response to your vodcast ideas or here's some things I want to ask you any except except it's just like a letter. But it's audio because pod casting is the good social media which maybe I'll get into that later too. But anyway so that's. That's what this episode is going to be mostly is just the a letter to Johnny. And if you want to hear it you can hear it. And if you don't I have three recommendations. What were they one if you don't want to hear this but you can do leg turn it on. Probably like you're doing right now while you're doing something completely unrelated. So you can have this on in the background and completely not care about it.

00:04:47.520 Two would be um.

00:04:51.890 Listen at an extremely fast speed. I would recommend the pod cast app overcast for this you know feel free. You don't need to hear everything they say. Listen at me. Listen to me at at three X it doesn't matter. Nothing. Nothing matters except your time. So the 3rd option is just delete this episode just delete it. It's going to be a good episode but if you want to delete it there's absolutely no shame in that. Yeah. So those those are those are those are my suggestions. If I I guess the 4th suggestion would be lower your expectations because it does it just fuck it you know? Okay.

00:05:37.120 I guess before I go into the letter you know if I'm talking to you right now but I'm going to be talking to Johnny. So you know I'm going to there's going to be a switch here where I start talking directly to Johnny but. Well I've still got you with me. Why don't I do? Um.

00:05:59.910 Why don't I.

00:06:03.600 Um.

00:06:07.430 Johnny's not gonna or he's going to s- gonna stop tweeting so much. And instead he is going to read out the things that he would have tweeted on his pod cast bomb tentatively titled until it's. And so I'm going to re tweet one of his one of his until it's and I didn't know if I should.

00:06:45.610 If I should just say it or if I should play it flared back so I'm not gonna I'm not going to get the audio and line it up and make it perfect. But here it is queued up on my phone near adding. Okay. I don't know if this is gonna work.

00:07:05.280 Tweet number to just see you know I've run the numbers and I'm more prolific than frank Zappa at the same age.

00:07:13.660 That's true. I thought that was a really good to eat some summary tweeting that to you. I think. I think that's amazing. I'm extremely proud of Johnny for being more prolific than frank Zappa at the same age. One of the things that I always found comforting about frank Zappa's career was that he.

00:07:34.530 For a while I was obsessed with musicians.

00:07:39.570 And what they what they would put out around the age of 24 because it seemed to be really good like join a newsom made ease at 24 you know people when they're 24 they do great things. I didn't. I wanted to but I didn't. And one of the comforting things about frank Zappa was that I think he didn't put out anything until he was like 24 25 26 or something. I think 24 but it might have been actually 25 or 26. So I found that comforting but anyway so that's I think I think that's an amazing. An amazing thing. And I'm proud of Johnny for that and uh.

00:08:21.950 I have Spotify play list where I try to keep Johnny's entire catalogue from Johnny unicorn and from czarism juror. I updated it the other day had to put like three new albums in it and I think there's almost 1400 songs. I think. I think that was the number.

00:08:45.390 You heard that tweet right? It was just so you know I I've run the numbers and I'm more prolific than frank Zappa at the same age just in case that didn't make any sense. All right. So I'm trying to think.

00:09:03.080 If there's anything else that I need to say.

00:09:09.990 To you before I let you go. I don't really think so. I think that's about it. So I'm drinking coffee China.

00:09:23.950 Trying to have a brain just trying to have a brain in this world.

00:09:30.170 I was singing.

00:09:33.050 I was I was going grocery shopping yesterday and I was driving around.

00:09:40.280 Not not listening to anything just singing the chorus of wave of mutilation over and over again because it was stuck in my head and and I just it made me laugh out loud because that song is so the the melody is so gentle.

00:09:59.560 It is so soft and nice the big pillow it's a lullabye. The melody of the chorus melody of wave of mutilation is alibi. I don't think I don't think you can refute that. I think it's just objectively lullabye quality. And then the only lyrics are wave of mutilation. I'm on a wave of mutilation which is just such a stark contrast to the lullabye and I was real pumped about it and I just made me it just made me laugh alone. I love laughing alone. I love being alone and laughing. It's fucking great. And yeah it's yeah.

00:10:53.080 So I was I I was thinking that this morning to trying to get my voice to warm up to wake up and it's still I can hear it getting all crackly and low. And yeah sucks sucks. Having a voice that's.

00:11:09.120 Way lower than it should be GA. So you know fuck my life.

00:11:16.750 So let's get into this letter. Thank you for listening in on. Probably not going to talk to you again.

00:11:25.490 Until until the next episode so we'll we'll happen in this letter. I'll read the title again. Dear Johnny. I applaud your social media exit. I think that's adding scrape. I think what you Dan is. I think it's great. I I was thinking about it this morning and I could I could grant for a long time about how I feel about social media. But I think you're I think you're a dislike for the the advertisement and the data collection. And I I think it's I think that's right on.

00:12:11.630 My I I think the central without getting too far into a tangent about what I hate. I'll say the also kind of one negative thing in one positive thing. The negative thing would just be what disturbs me the most and why I'm trying to not is the addictive quality of.

00:12:40.610 All this technology social media in particular but gist technology in general I E you know whether it's smartphones or video games or whatever they're built they are actively built. You addict us. And I think that's an incredible problem. And I think it's underestimated the damage that it's doing. And some people may be some people are fine but you're probably like.

00:13:18.610 Most of those people like probably not even though they think they are. I think I've been there for sure. And yeah I really I'm very disturbed by the addictive nature of social media in particular. None. The one positive thing I'll say. Because I have some I guess I have some mixed feelings about the ads because I don't I don't super mind most of it. Even though the day the data collection is like really really creepy. Honestly I in a perfect world I think there would be something like Facebook. Some some amalgamation of Facebook Twitter Instagram. That would be just you know socialized just nationalized like we would. It would be a public good. And we would we would actually just own it as people and it would be paid for by a LEGO like a $1 tax every month or something.

00:14:19.530 And yeah you know uh.

00:14:24.320 So I I have mixed feelings about the ads because I think they're not great. But when one thing I I I did enjoy about it. It is Facebook has realized that.

00:14:39.330 That I'm a girl which is grace but it thinks that I missed his gender girl which is hilarious. So I get all sorts of advertisements for. Excellent. Cute clothes which I I love because it's fun and I hate because it makes me want to spend money which I don't like doing. And then I I get all sorts of ads for administration things which is awesome. And I just I just think it's hilarious that it found out that I'm a girl but it didn't find out that I'm an entrance girl. I'm very pumped about that. So yeah. It's pretty great. But I could I mean.

00:15:29.240 You know it what I like about it is that like most you most interactions with another bean? Not that Facebook is a bean but other most other entities don't immediately like say like hey how're you doing? What do you think an? By the way I know you're a girl within the first like minute of interacting with people so it's it's affirming in its own way. That's kinda nice but it's not not worth it. So anyway.

00:16:03.690 That's that's my tangent about that. Yep. So anyway I'm I'm I'm glad that you're doing your exit and I hope it. I hope it works out. I hope you stick to it. I'm always kind of on the fence about what what to do how to do it. You know part of me I I've had a personal Facebook account that I've just had like basically zero friends except like one or two artists that I don't know that I follow. Who are my friends? Basically. And. And then I I use that to manage some some pages both for personal music staff and also for the business at my actual actual job which is weird. But.

00:16:55.760 But yeah so it's I've.

00:17:00.200 I guess I don't know how long it's been but I I haven't really used Facebook for like at least a year I think. And it's been really good on I'm tryna there. There are certain things that I miss about it like some of the the uh.

00:17:18.110 The community aspects of it but Facebook kind of just makes me feel lonelier. And yeah. So I I'm kind of thinking about my communications in general and like how do I. I'm sorry I'm starting this on all sorts of tangents but you know how how? How do I like take control of that without letting it become addictive? And I read this great book that I've been wanting to read for a while earlier this month called deep work by like Cal Newport. I heard about it on the Ezra Klein show podcasts and it it. It's I kind of feel dumb talking about like a.

00:18:14.460 Like a self help book for.

00:18:19.340 Quote unquote knowledge workers or you know artists or writers. But if if it has been extremely helpful and and talks about scheduling your time to like a really ridiculous degree. Some kind of like every Friday morning I'm going to have like this very small window where I can check social media and check my like.

00:18:50.900 Sort of band related email. I just don't like over communicating and being connected all the time. But I there are certain things that I like about social media networks so I don't know. I'm kind of trying to figure that shit out. And it's hard for me to answer emails at all. So having a time where it's like well okay I'm just doing this now and then I don't have to worry about it. Any other time is helpful. I think it's good to incorporate certain social media things into that. So anyway blah blah blah blah. I would recommend a book. And uh.

00:19:35.400 You know listen to it or heard or don't.

00:19:39.960 Yeah if you want a copy of it if I don't know if you do audible but if if you if you want it unaudible I can send to send it to you if you haven't used your one free book thing where you can boa Jesus Christ. Audible tips yeah you can send. You can receive one free book from another person. Inaudible. Did you know that even after your first free trial thing and you can also basically return any book that you want as long as you don't return every book you can like listen to the whole thing and then return it. Or at least I've I've done that like once because it was a bad book. I didn't want it so I returned it and they don't ask questions unless you do it a bunch.

00:20:30.300 Don't abuse the system but hey uses the system right? That's what I'm talking about. Okay. What else? What else did I have to talk about? So I I made this like two page list of things and I haven't looked at it since yesterday. I listen to your show like probably three times and took took notes and have some questions and some some things. What else about social media? Yeah you know it's it's it's a tricky thing for artists. Like I want attention as an artist. I you I want I want a small audience that actually cares. I want that. Even if I suck you know which I mostly suck but I still want somebody to listen and say that they listened. You know social media has really enticing in that in that way and it's kinda kinda depressing it for for that reason. But the. The thing is like.

00:21:29.470 I would way rather do pod cast in or like just text or call or write letters to people you know and the the the sort of returns on using using it as like an advertising platform is like in there. There's I feel like there's nothing there that it's just essentially really not worth it. And it's a drag. I wonder if you if you're thinking about all the social media stuff and also.

00:22:06.020 Thinking about some about in terms of like Kenneth taking some of some of the lens that that I'm applying or maybe you're applying to social media in terms of how to how to view it as being worth it or not. And how how do you feel about that in relation to like streaming services or putting out music in in in general? I mean part part of my question there is like how is how is the source image or experiment going? Are you finding that it's worth it? Are you finding that you're enjoying the source in a drawer as a creative outlet? Is it something that it is seeming to be worth the um.

00:22:49.070 Worth the returns you know looking at looking at sort of mats business model in terms of the the.

00:22:58.640 The streaming and downloads portion of it like writing in $20000 or writing 20000 songs getting a dollar a song. You know it's it's it's like way below minimum wage.

00:23:15.090 Is it worth it and how how how is that going for you? And do you think about using the the the. Because there's a certain social media aspect to the streaming platforms like Spotify like I love that because of district kid I have access to my artist profile even though I only have like nineteen followers and that I can.

00:23:47.930 You know like feet like I can make playlists and attach them to my artist profile and like feature those play lists and just kind of be active in this like sort of social media Spotify sphere. I love the idea that someone could come to my artist page and like here my crappy music. But then also here like my guided by voices like starter packs and see like how influence Dianne by them and how pumped up I am about them or hear like what I've been listening to like the last couple of weeks because I made a playlist of here's what I've been listening to the last couple of weeks. If Spotify would ever.

00:24:29.760 Fucking finally get prairie goth on Spotify. I'm pretty sure I could attach.

00:24:37.480 An individual legs prairie goth episodes to my artist profile I think. I think I could do that. Which would be fucking cool even though like maybe no one sees it on.

00:24:50.610 And I don't know do you think about that? I do you do you do that? Do you think that's worth it? You know?

00:24:58.580 All of this is like it's so much like if I had like 500 people who cared like I would be so much more game for wasting more time on this. But right now it's like like there's something addictive about it in the sense that like I wanna waste time on this because I want attention. But like what I should really be wasting time on is like fucking practicing like singing and songwriting and and writing more. And you know I'm trying to get back into like uh.

00:25:30.900 Like sight singing and like you know tha- that's a another thing I might want to ask you about later. But you know.

00:25:43.290 I guess my my question being like yeah like like I use Spotify but I don't touch apple music and like apple music might get bigger than Spotify later this year. And what like what? I don't know. Do you think about that stuff? What you is? Is that worth it? How's your sources and your experiment going? Are you finding that that's fruitful? Let me jump to. I was going to talk about most on crap and now I forgot the name of your most recent out on. But most is one of the tunes on it. And it was one of my favorites on that album too because because it was like the only lyric is most and it's like.

00:26:37.040 What eight to 10 minutes long and.

00:26:41.520 My question around that like I loved it partly because I thought it was like absurdist in its length and like why? I guess my question there is like why would you do such a a long track with a project that you call like a high volume recording project? Why? Why do attract it's that long? When your your focus is being prolific. And does that say something about something else about the project like yours and Andrew are not just a high volume recording projects but also.

00:27:26.590 A certain kind of experiment. And then what do you get out of doing an experiment like that song? You know that's eight to eight to 10 minutes. What what do you like about that experiment or is it not an experiment? Is it just g- I feel this way sometimes about certain things? Is it is it less an experiment and more of just like a compulsion like you you feel um.

00:27:55.440 Like this is just something you wanna do and for whatever reason and you kind of like follow that where where it leads just to like experience the creative creativity of that. I mean I've I've I've sure been there and spent a lot of time on on on things that are maybe not experiments but in in like a new like I've never done this sort of thing before kind of experiment. But just like a I need to have this creative experience. I'm doing it. And is that part of why that track exists and why most is so long? I'm really curious about about that and about why that why that track is so long?

00:28:40.120 Within the project of of source nature? Maybe maybe. I don't know. Maybe there isn't a reason. I don't know. You you tell me if you want.

00:28:54.720 I really like this idea of UN- tweets and I've been kind of thinking about it too in terms of poetry. I really like Twitter. I never really have I sometimes I'll visit other people's profiles and see that the number of tweet and I think yours is way too. You're like the number of tweets is like in the thousands and like how how did how did how does the person tw- like tweet that much? It just makes me like tweeting out how it makes me nervous and there's something I dunno a social media platforms earn just there's something icky about it. So I've been kind of thinking about.

00:29:38.330 You know a lot of the things that we tweet could just be short poems. I think there's I think there's a connection there where there's sort of a a a larger creativity at play that's getting wasted on.

00:29:59.010 This this platform and you know.

00:30:04.040 Things like things that could be sublimated or directed into larger projects. I think sometimes end up just falling into um.

00:30:21.130 This.

00:30:23.450 You know Twitter hole where essentially like this company is making money off of.

00:30:30.900 Our like creativity because because it's addicted us not because not beaten and let me say also not because like other people are coming to Twitter to look out. For example my tweets that are you know contain my artwork in one way or another. It like it's not that I'm enticing people to the Twitter platform. It's that Twitter has hypothetically addicted me to want to share my creativity on their platform and the way that they're profiting and is not by me enticing other people to come. But by them enticing me to come because then I get more involved in their platform. I see more advertisements.

00:31:25.460 Yeah I don't know. Like why I would just I would rather just write it down and then s- you know directed into you some sort of larger project. But. But I want to share it to and I guess that's why I do this this pod cast and it's just like I need to rethink some of this stuff. You know? And it can be this. The stupidest things can be poems which is why I love.

00:31:59.040 They might be giants and that whole aesthetic you know which comes back into like some stores majeur stuff. I know you get that comparison probably more often than than you than you like of people saying that.

00:32:17.060 There's a certain they might be giants connection within your work but there is and it's fucking great and I aspire to that you know I think I I listened to Apollo thirteen.

00:32:35.910 It is thirteen right? Jesus Christ. So many times when I was like.

00:32:42.930 Eleven or 12 13 in middle school on. And that album had such a lake. I think formative effect on me I headed on cassette and I listened to it so much. And just the the every off I can talk about that band for so long but like the they're the the idea of lyrics both bean profound absurd. You know emotional and important but also stupid is like so important to me. And like it. It's.

00:33:28.290 It's underrated and there are a lot of things that I would tweet that are stupid like I will give you an example. I've been writing a lot more leg short poem things down and just as like experiments. And here's one that was awful. I was feeling real bad the other day and I made some tea and it was that brand yogi which is do you really have to name your branded T yogi like I see who you're marketing to. And it's thoughts and stupid and um.

00:34:14.760 I I I if you don't know that brand of tea on there like teabag lake ends you know the part that you hang out of the Cup has a piece of paper that has like a little positive inspiring sane on it. And I fucking hate them so much because when I'm like if I'm feeling okay or good like it's fine to see this thing that says essentially one way or another like love yourself the world is great. Drink this tea. You're going to feel good.

00:34:53.650 In certain contexts I'm fine with seeing that but when I feel bad that is the absolute last fucking thing I want to see and it makes me feel worse. It just makes me angry. And so the the the entirety of this one line poem was just like something like. I hate that positively crap on yogi tea. And for whatever reason that stupid line got stuck in my head for like two days. And I ended up eight like expanding on it. And you know turning it into like a couplet. And like why should I write a song about.

00:35:41.180 That and the way that makes me feel if I can if I can make it also say something else without making it clear sha-. You know why? Why why shouldn't why shouldn't that be a lyric?

00:35:55.770 I don't know. I've also been reading like a lot of sort of the poetry of you know confessional poetry in New York school of like Bernadette Mayer TED Berrigan. Um.

00:36:13.870 Blah blah blah. So all of that kind of comes back into that like we you know there's there's something important in our everyday life and if we're just putting it if we're just giving it to fucking Twitter than it's disappearing. Okay. Okay. I don't know. I was probably going somewhere specific with that but once once again it's just tangent 10 tangential.

00:36:43.390 And I'm getting hungry and I'm getting angry. And let's see if I can who calmed down. We're going to do with Steve rogan buck right now. And I'm going to dip out of the letter and.

00:37:02.350 We're going to come back to the letter in a second but I don't know if you because I'm talking to you right now and I don't know if you've ever listened to the now defunct plant Laker pod cast. But one of my favorite things that see rogin buck would do on that pod cast is bring us back to present moment.

00:37:30.800 We are now in the present moment.

00:37:36.250 And maybe you want to look around and look at something right now I'm looking at something and I am recognizing that it is real.

00:37:49.390 Don't gimme that solipsism bullshit. We're not living in the matrix.

00:38:01.900 Fuckin.

00:38:05.260 What do you call that? Something. Something hypothesis anyway. See there and I left present moment and we're coming back. We are in present moment. I'm looking at this. I'm looking at what's in front of me. I'm looking around the room and it's there. It's actually there. This room is here. Okay. And now I'm I'm looking at my hands and I'm touching my hands and they are real. My hands are real and you are real. And all of this actually exists.

00:38:45.090 And my voice exists and you exist. You're listening to me. And thank you for being in this moment with me. I know that I'm traveling to you across time but we are still here together. I'm experiencing this moment right now. And you are experiencing this moment right now.

00:39:13.480 Okay I'm coming down.

00:39:18.440 Maybe maybe feel something I feel in my feeling my pants.

00:39:26.640 Feeling my sweater.

00:39:30.900 Feels nice. Feel soft real thrill. Okay. That was good. I feel really good about that. I am gonna pause to make sure that this is actually recording still. And then I'm going to come back.

00:39:56.390 And we're going to go back into the letter.

00:40:05.980 Dear Johnny if if you're even listening shift I.

00:40:17.310 Am I recording? I hit record again right?

00:40:24.670 Okay yeah I did. All right dear Johnny. I apologize for the length of this letter. I'm terrible. I I this is bad. I don't know what my problem is that I can just sit in front of American. It's just not shut up. It's pretty. It's kind of I would say it's embarrassing. Okay. What else do I have on on my list here?

00:40:56.180 Yeah okay. You you mentioned like weaving social media making the pod cast social media all the sort of new free time that that allows which is like yes. Holy crap. So true so true. It's it's great. I.m also living alone now and the combination of like living alone not really hanging out with people much/at all and not being really active on social media is just like I've read. I have finished nine books so far this year which is like fuck is that. So thinking about pikas hiatuses and stuff. I ate I set Latin hi- hiatus.

00:41:55.390 Hi a T. Would it be heaven conjugated in a while. So yeah you you had about a six month hiatus I had about a 2 3 month Titus. And you know I moved into a new apartment which.

00:42:21.770 I've this is I've know done that a handful of times and this was definitely the most stressful 1. And just the amount of stress that I've had around. Work and moving and my girlfriend breaking up with me and moving away.

00:42:47.950 It was just like I need to just not do fucking anything for like January and February so I haven't. And I have like all of these things that I feel like I need to do that I'm being kind of you're responsible about in terms of you know they're like responsibilities that I have placed on myself to like make.

00:43:12.280 You know key really seen music at a certain pace Tim make pod casts and to you know I have like a handful of interviews that I saw need to release and I feel bad. One of the things that I liked from deep work that book was this quote from Richard men and I don't remember it right now. But he talks about like actively trying to be irresponsible and telling people that you're irresponsible so that you can do.

00:43:52.240 Kind of shitty but it's great so that you can do do what you want. Like. Yeah sorry I can't do that. I'm too irresponsible. And I can only do things I want to do which is for me is rock and roll. But for him was a theoretical physicists his physics. I think he's a physicist strand scientist. I think he's a physicist.

00:44:19.710 Maybe I'm being an asshole right now but anyway.

00:44:23.180 I think I think the irresponsibility is underrated on.

00:44:30.050 But yeah I I I was really happy to see.

00:44:37.740 A gassed from you pop up in my feet and. Sorry I'm losing my train of thought here because I'm hearing here and sounds. And when I start hearing sounds I get kinda spooked out because sometimes I have visions and ghosts experiences.

00:45:05.240 And sometimes more often I'm just hearing like a person natural person or a a garbage truck. I hear I hear the garbage truck quite frequently. And both people. I would say people ghosts and garbage trucks are all frightening Tony. And people make me feel embarrassed and full of shame for bean who I am which is a big jerk girl who podcasts alone in the dark.

00:45:54.380 Okay what was it talking about? Yeah I'm really happy to um.

00:46:01.300 I was really happy to get a new Johnny unicorn show in my feed. I really enjoy it. I'm really glad that you're pie casting again. And what the fuck else was I going to say about that? Yeah I don't know. I'm just glad you're back. I get I get a craving to burn everything down pretty frequently. Like completely delete all my social media. Rip all of my music off of the internet delete the pod cast and just just say goodbye. And just. I don't. I don't that sounds like I'm gonna kill myself. I'm not going to kill myself. But just like. I don't know. Read books and like records on tape and never do anything with it. I don't know. Sometimes it's a real.

00:47:00.590 Real create a real a real craving. I don't think I could. I and I don't want to get rid of art in my life but I could like stop doing all of this and like go back to school and like be a fucking accountant and make a decent amount of money. And then like not.

00:47:31.300 Worry about having to like. It just sucks.

00:47:38.050 But I don't know. I mean that's what I'm doing now sort of is I'm working a job which does involve some accountant ish things and leg.

00:47:54.580 It's not what I want. I just want to make art all the time and also like walk in the woods and in the desert and stuff anyway.

00:48:05.950 I don't know.

00:48:07.390 But I wonder if you think about that too if you think about trying to just like wanting to set fire to every public facing thing that you've ever done and and just disappear or if that's just me. I I guess I try to sublimate that terrible instincts into I'm trying. I'm trying to supplement it into a good fire like I want to wreck this pod cast in a good way.

00:48:38.000 And that's why I'm not going to edit this because like no one cares. If I had like if I had five even 500 people listening to this I think I would I would start carrying again but I've done enough on the show where I've I've I feel like I've proved to myself that I can make good things that are well edited when I want to. And like I have that skill and I can do that. But I don't feel like I need to do that all the time. Like with interviews and stuff. Unless I like have more people actually listening and carrying. I I feel like the amount of listeners both to like certain things about music with me and also like amount of listeners to the pod cast is like it's quality should go up as.

00:49:32.890 Audience size grows. You know I think there's something to be sad about like working as hard as you can on like everything to make sure that everything you're putting out is like really good. And like I want things that sound good. But like I you know a- as somebody who works on.

00:49:56.830 Audio related things whether it's my own things or like other people's things. I kind of primarily think of myself as a mixing engineer just because it's what I've spent the most time doing. So I have like a mix engineers instinct to fuck with everything and like to explore so many different options. And like I wanna I wanna fuck around and make cool sounds all the time. But then I don't it's I don't get anything done and like I.

00:50:27.060 I hate sitting in front of a computer like I don't mind a lot of stuff about podcasting but I hate sitting in front of a computer.

00:50:39.090 Unless unless it's part of my job like I'm fine like sitting at a desk for eight hours a day if I'm getting paid look that's what my job is basically like that you know.

00:50:56.060 Whether I'm doing whatever on all of the different things that I'm doing am I at my day job involve a computer pretty much. And that's fine. But like man just having to do that in my like.

00:51:16.520 You know as part of podcasting like I don't. I don't. I don't I. I tried to get away from screens as much as I can because otherwise I would spend all my time in front of a computer because like I want to like I wanna just fuck around sounds on the computer like all the fucking time. But it's like bad for my eyes bad for my brain. So I'm trying to not edit as much. I'm gonna try experiments with things that require little effort involving the a computer. And like I don't know I I just have to like realize that basically no one cares. And ET cetera. You talked about how.

00:52:09.530 Not uh.

00:52:12.100 Pod casting for for six months. Partly because you hate the sound of your voice. Which same. I like your voice. I hate my voice.

00:52:26.090 And also not having confidence which I'm I totally agree with that. Like I get so nervous about doing this. And I have no confidence and I'll also recognize that I like really don't matter. And like what I'm doing is like of basically no importance. And I think for me I don't think I can get that confidence. So I think for me the solution is like it's not finding the confidence. It's like realizing that like I don't need the confidence. Like confidence from me should be if you know I don't want to be like hey you should be this way. But like for me I don't want confidence to be a factor. Like I don't need to be confidante like um.

00:53:19.360 And I think that's something I have to remind myself of like it's fine if I'm not confident it's fine if I don't know what the fuck is going on. It's fine if I you know honestly like this is going to be like what time is it now? This is going to be like a solid hour hour and a half readily and functional and that's embarrassing. But who cares? I shouldn't.

00:53:46.480 I shouldn't need to feel confident about it. I don't I don't feel confident about it and that doesn't matter it. It is what it is. People who are going to Wilson are going to listen and people who aren't aren't and who who cares who who cares. You know I I can think of like maybe maybe like three people who care about this show. I there's one person who will when there isn't a show. They'll text me and be like I I miss Eliza I miss you and I miss her.

00:54:19.920 I miss broadcast on it. I'm hungry for another episode like there's like a one person who does up and I love them. And if you're listening to this I love you. You know who you are? I love you. And yeah but other than that it's like I don't know. I don't. I don't. If I'm going to scream into avoid. If I'm going to feel like I'm shouting just two of fucking wall then.

00:54:48.520 I j- I shouldn't have to have confidence. I shouldn't have to care that much. I don't know.

00:54:57.970 But yeah I'm sorry for making you listen to something that's this long. I hope you're listening to him at 3:3 X hope you are. And I hope there's some okay questions in here. And I hope the reactions to some of the things. Some of the topics that you brought up I hope they're worthwhile and not just completely bullshit. And if they are I I apologize even more.

00:55:34.430 I can feel my voice skinny angry at me. To do on. What else newar wanna ask you about what else do olana ask you about? Hey remember that time that I sang into this microphone for like a half an hour. And then you made like sort of a psychedelic pod cast episode album out of it. I keep thinking about that like every couple months. Like we should put that out.

00:56:25.540 Sorry like I hate I hate on publicly saying like hey we should collaborate on a thing but it is kind of done already and you you know if you don't want to do this you don't you don't even have to say that you don't want to do it. Just don't even address it. That's fine. I won't. Maybe I'll bring it up like one more time but I won't push it. But if you want to I think we should do. I think we should officially release that in some form. And it could be absorbed in drawer featuring Norah and the janitors or it could be nor in the janitors featuring stores and your um.

00:57:07.470 I don't know which it's kind of it's kind of bad because it's like I think technically it's yours and your featuring nor and the janitors but semantically it makes more sense if it's nor in the janitors featuring source in the drawer. But um.

00:57:26.200 I'm pretty sure your undistracted if I remember correctly as well as CD baby. So if um.

00:57:34.810 If you want to I'm pretty sure we could set up a team in district kid and put it out through district kid and then I don't know. We could put it on on bandcamp in some way. You know it's music. Music doesn't make money right? So I don't care really in terms of what we do with that. You know we'll figure that out. We I think with disrupted you could we could like okay with this circuit legu- you did way more work on the night than I did so I'm pretty sure with the circuit you can do. Like a percentage split. That's automatic. So like you could do 90% and I could do like 10% now. It'd be fine. I. I would. I I just I actually like that's one of the one of the things that I'm.

00:58:32.000 The I I have done that I actually light more than a lot of other things. I don't even know if you have the files anymore. You know if you don't have the the the blah blah blah the the session files like who cares? That's fine. But if you have like as long as you have wave math master files were good. You know if you if you. Yeah. It's. It's whatever it. What the fuck else was I going to say oh my only stipulation would be that. I have a couple of ideas for album artwork. I think we could maybe do some kind of collab on that too or you could just do it or I could just do it. My only stipulation without. Is that.

00:59:29.890 That it's in it's in grayscale that it's black and white. That's.

00:59:35.400 Kind of kind of my thing with nor the janitors as that it's got to got to always be black and white because I believe the internet and most technology things should be grayscale. Look it up grayscale your phone you can do it you can grayscale your phone and it makes your phone less addictive thrill thing. It's I. I recommend a the the entire internet should be grayscale because it would make it less addictive. It would be less data storage which would require less electricity which would be better for climate change. And yeah it also there. This is kind of stupid but I think there's a certain. I think color can be used to to entice people to things to addict them. It's better for advertisements. It has more emotional control over the audience. I think there's a certain propaganda element to.

01:00:37.480 Images being in color including you know I think it would be great if all of the flags on the internet were in black and white. I would love it. If if every time I saw an American flag on on some dumb like patriotic meem or something. It was in black and white because it would be much less.

01:01:04.280 Powerful without the colors the American flag is much less powerful and I think that would be a great thing on the internet. Okay anyway. So that's part of doubt. But the artwork I would love it. If if like if I could take a photo myself and then you could like draw some sort of a 3rd eye on me that had a yolo tattoo. I think that would be part of the ideal thing for the album art or not but you can even say no to all of that. And no no pressure. I just really enjoyed that. I think it'd be a good album. Okay.

01:01:51.350 What else do I have? Hey are you still vegan? I thought I remember that you were going vegan again.

01:01:59.290 How's that going? I love. I'm still on the vegan train and I love it on.

01:02:07.080 What are some of your habits as an artist in terms of practicing or writing? Do you have any kind of routine things that you do? I'm trying to make my routines better and incorporate more rituals into my life to improve my life. I started reading that book called the artist's way and I mostly really really don't like it so far. Except that I've started doing this thing that she recommends where you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do before you do anything is you right? And you try to write like three pages on which to me takes way too long. So I just wait for like a half an hour basically. Well I drink like a Cup of coffee and it's pre- pretty great. Like I'm actually journaling now and I think it's good. I think it's a good way to start.

01:03:02.680 My day off and it's helping me. It's helping. I have been dreaming way more since I moved into a new apartment and I think writing down my dreams in the morning is helping me kind of solidify them like this morning. I was in this house.

01:03:20.780 In my dream last night and.

01:03:26.260 I woke up and like I can I can remember her.

01:03:30.530 It was like I had moved into a new house and I can remember.

01:03:34.880 So many details from the house it's almost I didn't see the entire house in the dream but like it I almost feel like I could walk through like the whole house which is crazy. 'cause I flew longest time has been like really bad at dreaming.

01:03:50.450 So do you do you have any habits like that? Do you have any practice habits Japanese singing practice habits? You you've given me really good advice in terms of singing in the past and I'm trying to figure out a way to challenge myself around singing in terms of practicing some trying to get back into sight singing because I found that it was actually an effective thing when while I was in college Sydney Sydney choral music. I found that it was like one of the only things that was like really really really challenging. There was also really helpful. So I'm trying to get back into that practice. Um.

01:04:35.290 But.

01:04:37.400 Yeah.

01:04:39.460 I have trouble I have trouble internalizing pitch. I have trouble making like like quote unquote good tone. I really want to be able to sing in a relaxed healthy way. I clench my jaw a lot. Both like throughout the day.

01:05:02.320 And like a lot when I'm sleeping. So I have a lot of like jaw pain and I'm trying to get it it. It gets exacerbated sometimes when I'm singing and it's really hard for me to quote unquote open my jaw which is a thing that my coral teachers would tell me to do. And it's hard. I don't know if you have any advice on a new out. I am curious if you have any rituals around that or around any other practice rituals.

01:05:37.380 Well well well on the subject of like jaw clenching and stuff.

01:05:43.700 And this is this is maybe personal. I want to ask about some your stuff and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to. Because I I feel like it's kind of personal because it's sort of a I guess it's sort of a medical thing and I feel like kind of an asshole asking about anything that's that's medical that you've talked about your tinnitus do you say tinnitus? And if it's something you want to talk about I would love to hear a little bit more about that. You I think you've talked about with me your experience about of how how you experienced senators if you want to and no pressure like I would be curious to know about what it was like when it was starting if you remember or if you've noticed. Leitch.

01:06:39.160 Uh.

01:06:42.560 And I guess do you have any feelings about what brought it on? I think I probably damaged my ears when I was younger but I don't think I'm doing anything that bad with my ears. And now like I don't listen to music that loud that often or for that long of a period of time even when I'm even when I'm working in like mixing on something. I don't I don't listen. I listen on a pretty pretty normal volume because it's well in terms of like mixing and doing audio engineering. It's it's a more accurate way. I got all only listen to really loud stuff if I like. Need like L I'll do tests at really loud volumes for really short periods of time like not even like minutes leg maybe a minute. And.

01:07:38.440 So I don't feel like I'm damaging my ears now but the jaw clenching made me think about this. I think that clenching my jaw might be contributing to something going on with my ears. And I'm not really asking you to to weigh in on that because that would be weird of me on. But the things that I'm experiencing and I've experienced this off and on for a while is like sometimes I will get ringing in my ear for like.

01:08:20.380 You know everywhere from like five seconds to like a minute and then it'll be gone. I also have like really sensitive ears so like I can hear really high pitches lake for example like I have a bad off Brown's iPhone charger that I don't use because I can hear it. It's like this really high pitch. And like I'm really sensitive to that kind of stuff. So sometimes I don't know if I'm hearing my ears or if I'm hearing.

01:08:51.750 Something actually in the world but sometimes I am definitely hearing like for a very short bursts of time ringing in my ears. Sometimes I will have like a brief. It's like a dropout like for like five to fifteen seconds. Everything will get muffled which I hate that one freaks me out and it makes my balance fuel really weird weird. Because your balances in your ears so much you know. Anyway. So that's that's some shit I'm freaking out about so oh I got to get this thing under control. And you know all I hate doctors and shit so I don't know. But I got to do it. I guess. So anyway.

01:09:42.870 What else we got an anyway again really like you don't have to talk about that if you don't want to.

01:09:51.370 You might not even be listening to this Johnny Dee listen to my pica still. I don't know if you do. I'm giving you a big hug but if you don't that's that's fine.

01:10:04.030 What did I write down here? I wrote down what else? I'm I'm mostly through these notes. I wrote feeling like I have to do a good job on podcasting is a crappy burden. It's also not true because nothing moderns matters. It seems like my effort or it seems like almost no one listens regardless of my effort which is one of the worst feelings like spending a long time on something and then like oh not that many people. The sons were cared there. Seemingly just a few people who care.

01:10:46.590 And I would try harder if I had more listeners otherwise I should just do my thing. Yeah. Just do my thing.

01:10:54.900 I feel like that's it for the page and then most and they're talking about tornadoes. Yeah. Okay. I think that's I think that's it.

01:11:09.050 Right I think I'm hearing some ghosts again so you know I hate sign an awful letters. He do that. I hate my all my best masked regards. So fucking dumb. But uh.

01:11:29.430 Consent. So thanks for thanks for listening and I hope I hope you do and how it was again names is really good to hear your voice and you're the best and I always look forward to new czars and drawer. New new Johnny unicorn records new podcast episodes. So thank you for listening to this and thank you for doing what you what you do.

01:12:02.000 Hey did you hear the bowed Richard fine. He was some kind of physicists do and all kinds of cool crap. He talked about being irresponsible Cosby. Any irresponsible is where it's sad.