me & my ac

I
would
like
there
to
be
a
trigger
warning
for
anything
“positive,”
“inspirational,”
or designed to make me
“feel good,”
“heal,”
practice “self care,”
or “love myself”

because all those kindsa things

~~wreck me~~

I can’t read music
I can’t sing in tune
I’m 26
useless

practice singing long notes
these are my prayers

there is a ghost in the microphone

I intone
& hug myself
don’t look, let your
eyes adjust
to the darkness, let your
jaw relax. Let it
be okay
don’t hate
Yourself for the gravel
feeling faint,
Breathe.
I want to escape
I want to
want to be here
Keeping intoning
Relax
Breathe deep
Do not let the past
be here with you
in this moment
Let it go
Only this moment
Exists
Pitch is an illusion
Bend the spoon 

The door of your jaw
is not a hinge
to be locked

Posture breath open relax

I’m falling apart

Let me disappear into the sound 

This makes me feel like my life is over

Maybe I just do this every day until I’m tolerable 

I hate everything. Someone give me a hug

What can I do to make this time not horrible? Miss u 

Intonation Prayers
Estrogen Prayers

Someday soon estradiol under my tongue
Someday soon boobs butt and face

I care much more about having a nice falsetto
more than anything else

Also I want get good at pull-ups again

Live outside I want to live outside

Vowel shift don’t close your jaw

Holy crap lightheaded

squirrel at an angle 10 bunnies
all hanging out having a nice
morning I chill nearby
He chew chew chews the
Dandelion, I don’t know
what I’d do without
these angels.

Birds fight. The sun goes
pink to gray ; I’m not sure
about anything

I hope that if I try hard,
it pays off

POSTAL BANKING!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of his accounts said Mandan but that could be totally bogus

I think maybe I need to quit one hundred percent of everything I’m doing and try to find a better reason to live

I was thinking about you this morning while I was running!

Just wondering how you’re doing and stuff and wanting to send u love

you’re amazing. I’m ten years older than you and finally starting hrt next month 😋😋 I’m so proud of you & yr frickin killin it girl. I wish you all the best in the entire world 💖💖🙏🏻

One thing I can say about the past is that I don’t know what feelings are true or not, since everything is clouded with dysphoria