the more i learn, the less i know.

the more i learn, the less i know. Do we need to destroy capitalism and establish socialism for the United States to move ethically into the 21st century, or do we just need a robust welfare state, and a well-regulated but sort of free market? am i going to be okay or should i start taking estrogen? Should I be afraid enough of my neighbors to buy a gun, or am i my own most urgent danger? When you tell me that you’re not racist, that you’re not a misogynist, does that mean that you actually aren’t, or that you actually are? Am I an asshole? I was an asshole, though, before, right? Do I feel the correct amount of guilt for the mean things I’ve said? I’ve changed, haven’t I? or have I become a self-loathing narcissist? I’m skeptical of my own thoughts & positions. Does this mean that I am able to live more ethically, or that I’m not living? Am I made static by my pseudointellectualism and does this paralysis prevent me from living morally? Am I alive? What is god? Am I in a computer? When is it ethical to follow utilitarianist ideas and when should I adhere to strict, deontological principles? is it moral to punch nazis? Am I a hyproctire if i think the answer is yes? Maybe who cares>? Maybe the question is: does it accomplish anything? Maybe the question is: does making people feel good when they see the nazi’s head get punched count as accomplishing something? Maybe the question isn’t: “does it accomplish anything?” Is that question apologism? a defense of the nazi? wtf should the ACLU be doing right now ? Is this nazi-punching issue a red herring, or is it a vital discussion? When was the last time you visited the Holocaust museum in D.C.? When I hear the stories of the Holocaust, like Jared Kushner’s grandmother forced to clean blood off the street — or let’s talk about chattel slavery, genocide of indigenous peoples, mass killings under communist regimes, death by diseases caused by smoking — good god the billions of murders on our Mother Earth — when I hear the stories, is it okay that I burn inside, that I think, never again by any means necessary? Who even am I? Is the Long Peace coming to an end? Is America a failed state? The smell of mustard gas, and the men in no man’s land who aren’t killed by it. He screams all night, until you risk your life above the trenches, to shoot him. Leaders prohibited their troops from repeating the Christmas truce of 1914. It’s much more difficult to kill someone after singing with him. Managerial capitalism. He breaks his rifle for the worker. How many people will I watch die in my lifetime, by the hands of leaders, neighbors, incompetence, and climate? How soon will I be among the dead?